Thursday, December 4, 2014

Intro Scene Draft One (Binding Universe)

Very early draft of the Intro for the Binding Universe! Can you tell?
The author would also like to apologize for the late update, and make the excuse that he's sick.
He hopes you still enjoy it, and is still begging for any form of constructive criticism, as he knows he's done something wrong but isn't sure how best to fix it.

Pan in on a city. The buildings, while not exactly shining, are in reasonable repair and kept moderately clean, as are all the streets we can see. Pan in on one particular side street, slightly larger than an alleyway, and stop as a large circular section of air starts to turn purple. The effect intensifies until the center can only barely be seen through, and then a small and vaguely vulpine figure abruptly exits at some speed. It manages to catch itself despite the two foot drop, and hits the street running. On closer inspection, it appears to be made of glass or some similar material, as it appears to be translucent but large sections refract the light. It reaches the end of the street and turns into an even smaller alleyway. Here, it continues to run before eventually slowing and stopping. Looking around, confused but no longer sure it’s in immediate danger, it seems to come to a conclusion. It walks more cautiously to the end of the alley and encounters a car, parked less than five feet away. It looks around warily, and then bolts for the windshield, shattering it and landing on the passenger seat. It then attempts to gather the pieces, (destroying the front seats in the process,) and collects them on the back bench where it attempts to build a nest. Amazingly, the car alarm has not gone off yet, but finally does so when the Glassfox smashes the side windows for more material. Said alarm startles it, and it runs away from the now vandalized vehicle. It is encountering people, now, who are alternatively cautious and trying to be friendly. Keyword trying. It remains remarkably far from skittish around them, but employs it’s usual strategy around creatures that probably won’t be able to smash it; which is to say barrel through and flex it’s coat to injure anything that gets too close. This leaves several people badly injured on the ground, and it ends up popping a tire on the truck that tries to ram it in response to this. It keeps going and tries twice more to build a nest before it realizes that smashing windshields causes car alarms, and stops. It’s been fifteen minutes since the portal opened, and it’s reached a residential district. It decides to try breaking a sliding glass door instead, succeeds, and retreats to the safety of the adjoining garage to try building nest for the fourth time. Several hours pass, it has gathered significantly more glass with which to build its nest, and assembled a fairly large one when the owners of the house get home. The meeting goes roughly as well as could be expected, and the Glassfox, territorial but having learned to fear cars, snarls at the surprised family but eventually turns and runs. The girl in the back seat opens her door and jumps out to chase it, causing it to consider her posture briefly, snarl, and run away, but it’s not as good at hiding without back alleys or vents to run through, and she displays very little compunction about intruding on other people’s homes through the same entrances it uses, so she eventually corners it when it reaches the local school. It tries to fight, then, but she summons an explosion that dashes it against the wall, cracking it and does so twice more before everything goes dark.

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